With opening day just around the corner, the counsellors of Pine Hills Summer Camp knock the place into shape for the season. But with sex on their minds, no one cares when a mysterious, bruised, blood-drenched young woman runs into the camp screaming. The uninvited guest claims the forest is under attack--parasitic monsters lurk in the shadows, attracted to sexual activity. But this is ridiculous. However, after last night's endless carnage, the camp staff will learn to follow a simple but life-saving rule: Don't Fuck in the Woods (2016).—Nick Riganas